


I knew a Boy, I knew a Man that looked a lot like You

by mermycat



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Light Angst, Love/Hate, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermycat/pseuds/mermycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When your hand is on the back of his neck and he smells cigarette ash, and green tea, and he feels warmth; you aren't bruising or spitting but you're smiling from just the corner of your mouth. He thinks this is the first and only time in his life that he's felt love as the idea of something he might want to die for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I knew a Boy, I knew a Man that looked a lot like You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF.net, and now I am here ~ doing my part (tiny part) to spread the Stendan love around as much as is possible ~

_I've never known someone like you,_ is what Steven thinks.

When your hand is on the back of his neck and he smells cigarette ash, and green tea, and he feels warmth; you aren't bruising or spitting but you're smiling from just the corner of your mouth. He thinks this is the first and only time in his life that he's felt love as the idea of something he might want to die for. He thinks this is the first time that he isn't the only one desperate to never live without the other person, that you feel the same about him, and that that is close enough to you declaring you would die for his love, too.

Amy told him he was alright. Steven remembers how it happened, how he kissed her for the waste of breath one day and then clung on to her so tightly afterwards - he couldn't spell her name without getting two of three letters backwards and mixed up, and he was stuck on a strictly plotted down curve that showed he wouldn't ever amount to much, not much to be proud of.

But she said, _you're alright, Steven Hay._

And you tell him more than just that he's alright.

The first person to say, _I don't think you're stupid_ , without the patronizing tone of voice, something that you don't understand to have any meaning until you see how his thoughts have come to sudden stops and his mouth stills, words lost in a crush behind his teeth for just a second as he hears that again in his head - _I don't think you're stupid._

You breathed in sharp because again, you're seeing the weight of this and how much it all means, and it fucking scares you, too.

Steven doesn't see that you're just shades of his step-father. The purples, violets, reds.

Steven doesn't see how he is just shades of his mother. Desperate and pleading, whining, turning to guilt and pointing all of the blame on you, every time.

_but that,_

_it is you every time_

And you're a Brady, so it feels that you are never going to escape the fact that sometimes you hit when you mean to just say hello. It's genetics, or something messy like that, it's in your blood and your sinue - the important parts of yourself. You think about a hole in the drywall in the council flat, and you wonder how Steven could have ever thought you were something worth looking twice at. He's known too many people like you, almost everyone he's known; his whole life has been nothing but messes like this.

But he thinks you're really worth it.

_I've never known someone like you, either,_ is what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
